First Words
This was written for a Creative Writing Class in College. In the orginal, the girl killed herself and her baby at the end, but it was suggested it wasn't a very good ending, so I changed it. There are a few paragraphs I like in it, which is why it's up here.


When Isabelle stepped in front of the television to block Rob's view, she vaguely remembered hearing the words of the show behind her. He was watching some special about sharks, probably presented by National Geographic. It was about how dominant shark pups will eat their siblings in the womb. Survival of the fittest, Isabelle guessed for a moment. Nevermind the sharks, however. There were more important things. Rob turned his head to try and look past her hips towards the television, but Isabelle shook her hands frantically at him.

"We need to go now, to the hospital," she said breathing heavy.

"What? I'm watching this. Move," he said waving his hand at her.

"No, I'm going to have the baby," Isabelle explained, eyes narrowed. "I'm in labor. Start the car."

"Damn it," Rob said, lifting himself from the couch with a grunt, as if he had been exhausted from sitting on the couch all day. "Okay, but let me set the VCR so I can tape this. I want to watch this when I come home."

Eighteen hours of struggle had passed when Isabelle gave birth to a baby boy who Rob named James before Isabelle even got the chance to help decide. She wanted to name the baby Jared, but James was already written on the birth certificate. It was a good name, but not the one she had really wanted. When she looked into the baby's cloudy, blue eyes though, the names no longer seemed to matter. It was just Isabelle and James in the world, staring back at each other with the same curiosity of new life.

Isabelle didn't even seem to mind that much when Rob left, completely disappeared. While she was staying at the hospital, he went down to the cafeteria for some food, or that was his excuse when he left. But after a few hours, no one saw him around, and after a few months, he never came back either. He didn't leave any clues or a trail of crumbs for that matter. Everyone said it was such a drag Rob would do such a thing and leave Isabelle like that, even his own parents. But she didn't let it bother her. She had James to care for and he would be her company, her reason to be. From the moment James wrapped his tiny hand around one of her fingers and squeezed, Isabelle knew they shared this inseparable bond.

Rob never even held Isabelle's hand any longer. When they first started going out, she found him attractive and arousing. She showed him off to all of her girl friends and he beamed back in response, because he knew he was a trophy. Then after a while of living together, he started to unveil his hidden abilities: competitiveness, short answers, small attention span, sports fanatic, and many more of the stereotypical macho guy characteristics. Isabelle recalled a time when they were playing a simple game of Monopoly. Rob landed on her boardwalk property that had a hotel on it.

"Okay, Rob, you owe me-"

"God damn it, Isabelle!" he shouted slamming his fist down on the table. Little green and red houses flew everywhere. "I don't have any more money! Thieving son of a bitch!"

Isabelle sat in her chair stunned as Rob pushed away from the table and got out of his seat, so quick that it knocked it over. She had never won at many games they played and she was happy this time to almost be the winner. She cleaned up the table and the game and moped back into the bedroom where Rob laid, face down with his head in the pillows. Isabelle made up her mistake of almost winning to him by rolling around in bed with him for ten minutes where James was conceived that night.

However, it wasn't just that time. They were out at the movies one evening with two friends, another couple, who waited ahead of them in line. The couple was holding hands and it dawned on Isabelle that Rob and her hasn't displayed such affection publicly in a long time. She made sure she was presentable, smoothed her hair down a little, and brushed her clothing with her hands making sure anyone wasn't looking. Isabelle wanted to look good when she took Rob's hand in hers with a triumphant smile. When she moved her hand over slowly, her fingers starting to lace around his, he pulled his hand away, flinching as if burnt.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I wanted to hold your hand, Rob," she said with a huff.

"That's gay," he said. "I don't do gay stuff."

She swore he moved a step away from her.

But James held her finger now in his hand, and that's all she needed. She had him to count on, so she left the hospital the next day with half a smile on her face. Everything seemed so bittersweet, with having a baby who was a part of her life and with Rob disappearing. She had a few weeks off from work and spent those weeks watching James' every breath. When the days until she had to go back to work were closing in and Rob still hadn't come back, she dreaded the thought of leaving James with a babysitter. She received a phone call from her mother.

"Your father and I thought you'd like to come move back home, with the baby," Isabelle's mother said from the other end of the line. "You can stay in the apartment. It's all finished now."

"I'll consider it," Isabelle said. "But, I think we'll be okay."

Isabelle hung up the phone and looked over to the table. A pile of unopened envelopes lay on top of it. The bills were piling up and even though she said she'd consider the option like she had other choices available to her, she had to take it. Within the week, she left to her mother's house with James and moved back in. Her parents had turned their basement into a furnished apartment, complete with a bathroom and small kitchen. Because there was only one room, she kept James in the crib next to her bed and she could go to him whenever he needed Isabelle. Her mother watched over James when Isabelle went to work and as soon as she came home, she scooped up James and took him down into the apartment all to herself.

Best of all, Isabelle had some one to talk to now. James would listen to everything she would tell him. He would stare up at her intently as she told him about everything. Everything except Rob of course. Isabelle wanted the things James knew to be about her, not Rob. She didn't even want James to know what a father was, or that he even had a lame excuse for one that ran away somewhere. It would just be her and James and each day, Isabelle felt that bond strengthen between them. Since Isabelle worked as a speech therapist, she thought herself an expert at getting children to learn how to properly pronounce certain words. All of her patients had been a complete success and although James was her son, she considered him another case to work with. Isabelle knew that most children spoke the word "ma" before "da" since m sounds were softer and easier to say. She didn't have much to worry about then, but she kept coaching James to call out for her. She couldn't wait to hear his own voice, to hear him call out for her and say "momma." She became so obsessed with the idea, the thought of this single word rolling off his tongue and out of his mouth, that she began to speak of herself in third person.

"Momma loves you."

"Momma's going to get you something to eat now."

"Momma hopes you have sweet dreams little prince."

James smiled up at her happily when she cooed down at him speaking. He didn't mind that she taught him what to say. Whenever Isabelle would try to help Rob with his speech, he would protest and get angry with her. She tried to hold back, because he would get so red in the face with anger. It was difficult to help herself, however. Rob always tried to sound so intelligent about things, probably to belittle her. At least Isabelle had proper speech to hold over his head.

"Issy, get me some water please?" Rob asked one day calling from the bedroom. Isabelle remembered that was the day he was sick with a fever. Rob was more sedate and easy to push over when he was sick. Just like a big baby, he'd give into anything easily to get what he wanted.

"It's wuh-ter, Rob, not wad-der," she chimed back at him. That was one of the few times Rob did not talk back to her. Perhaps he was embarrassed she thought. Anyway, at least James would never talk back to her. There would only be kind words between them.

When James finally did speak and utter his first words to Isabelle, the color sunk away from behind her cheeks. Her mouth, partially opened, uttered no response for the child. James stared back at her as if comprehending the effects of the sound he just produced. Both of them looked at each other, wondering what it could mean, that simple word.

"Da," the baby said to Isabelle.

It was a mistake, she thought. Maybe he meant to say "damp" or "day" or she would even let "damn" slide for now. Isabelle had worked so hard, getting him to call out for her and confided in James more than anyone else she knew. And here he was, calling out for his father. Now it seemed like they never even understood each other at all. When Isabelle didn't break her silence and respond to James, he added an extra letter to the word for confirmation.

"Dad?" the baby asked.

Where did he ever learn it? Isabelle never said the word to James. She guessed maybe it was her mother or father that taught it to him. James had sat there and listened with everything she had told him and now he was calling out to his father. James was tired of hearing Isabelle. That was it. Just like Rob who didn't want his speech corrected. James didn't want his mother making him say "momma" anymore.

Maybe James wasn't the right child for her. Maybe she made a terrible mistake again. Perhaps there was another kid waiting to be born in her womb with James. She bet James ate him up, just like those sharks on the television show. Now she was stuck with some child who didn't even care for her in return. He was vicious, saying "Dad" to her. How could he do such a thing?

She shook her head trying to convince herself. This wasn't James fault and she couldn't blame him for this at all. Putting all things aside, she decided she would have to investigate some and figure out why James had said this to her. There was no reason he should be calling out to Rob. After all, who would want to see such a person as Rob? Sure, Isabelle had been with him for years, but her time with James made her realize she was a better person without him.

Isabelle walked up the basement stairs and opened the door that led into the kitchen. She squared her shoulders as she entered the living room where her parents sat on the couch. In front of them on a coffee table, they were playing a game of chess. Isabelle's mom looked deep in thought over her next move, a hand resting under her chin. When Isabelle let out a cough, her mother nearly jumped and they both turned to her with smiles on their faces. Fake smiles, Isabelle thought.

"Which one of you said it?" she asked.

"Huh?" her father said arching an eyebrow.

"Don't act like you don't know," Isabelle began. "Which of you taught James how to say dad?"

"He said dad?" her mother said. "His first words? Oh, Isabelle, that's-"

"Not the point!" she shouted. "Answer my question."

"Neither of us, dear... Well I mean, we had to say grand dad," her mother began biting her lower lip. "We had to."

"Never again," Isabelle said. "Never."

Isabelle turned her back on them and headed downstairs again into the apartment. She remembered them calling out to her, but they didn't move to come get her. They didn't really care at all how she felt or else they would have followed her and apologized honestly. But soon they were quiet upstairs, probably concentrating on the game of chess once more.

Her eyes found James in the crib again who was still looking up as if waiting for her to come back. But was it her he was really waiting for? What would she even do with a baby who wanted to see Rob instead of her? Isabelle turned from the crib and raised a hand to her forehead for a moment. When her hand dropped, she decided. She pulled suitcases out of the closest and began packing things for her and James. Isabelle would go find Rob and show James what his father was. She would find Rob and for stealing James' first word from her, she would make him say "momma" over and over again. Isabelle would make him say it until his tongue bled, no matter how long it took.